I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
