Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
