Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
