I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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