Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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