Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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