whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
