she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
