A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
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