So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
