I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
