piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
