dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
