i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
