What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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