i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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