we're blogging at a bar
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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