she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
