I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Randomize
