my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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