put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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