I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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