have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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