sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
3 2 1 whiskey
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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