When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
