he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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