Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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