your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
