Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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