3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
