well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize