I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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