I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
