she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
