I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
