Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
He is an equal opportunity slut.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
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