new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I am available for nakedness
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
