not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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