his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
This toilet bowl is my home.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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