Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
