He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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