This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
