You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
