wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
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