she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I think I died a long time ago.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
