You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
