There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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