He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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