So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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