Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
