oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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