how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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