i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize