you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
