On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
