my phone needs a breathalizer
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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