R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
should my penis look like a turkey
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Randomize
