I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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