Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
