Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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