just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
