last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
did i just pee glitter
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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