New invention idea: vibrating tampons
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
