my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
