lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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