I'd wear matching sweaters with you
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
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