I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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